Harry and Meghan

Since Wednesday, I’ve been sharing things about the Harry and Meghan sh*t show on Instagram Stories. There’s a highlight in case you want to see anything you may have missed. I received a bunch of messages asking me to expand on things, especially for those who don’t really know much about the British Royal Family.

I’m going to start by saying I’m not a royal expert. I paid very mild attention to the royals since I was little. My attention increased around when Will and Kate got married in 2011 because they married two months before Brad and me. I’d say it hit a peak when Meghan came around, and I started watching The Crown. Then, I started watching more documentaries on the family.

There are loads of working parts to this whole debacle, so I can’t possibly touch on everything.

Why are They ‘Stepping Back’?

Harry’s and Meghan’s statement on Instagram (and the press release) read, “After many months of reflection and internal discussions, we have chosen to make a transition this year in starting to carve out a progressive new role within this institution. We intend to step back as ‘senior’ members of the Royal Family and work to become financially independent, while continuing to fully support Her Majesty The Queen.” This doesn’t mean that they’re leaving the royal family, never to be heard from again. It also doesn’t mean that they want nothing to do with the family any more.

I’m sure there’s a lot that goes into their decision. They said in the documentary that aired in October that they felt the media wasn’t fair, especially toward Meghan. And that’s true. The British media has been racist and sexist toward Meghan, which is abhorrent. They’ve been blatantly racist and there’s been plenty of racial micro aggressions used toward her.

There also seems to be some family turmoil going on. In the documentary Harry said about Prince William, his older brother, “We’re certainly on different paths at the moment. But I’ll always be there for him and, as I know, he’ll always be there for me. We don’t see each other as much as we used to because we’re so busy, but I love him dearly.” William and Harry always seemed to be tight. Harry was also rather close with Kate and Eugenie.

Something to consider is working with/for your family. I’d imagine things can get rather messy while trying to balance the family side of the relationship and the working side of the relationship.

I don’t think anyone blames them for wanting to go out on their own, especially if they think it will make them happier. I certainly don’t. I haven’t read of anyone saying, “No, they have to stay. It’s their duty.”

Have Their Cake and Eat It Too

Harry and Meghan chose the full-on nuclear option. Their statement was released and website was launched after they were taking a supposed break in Canada for the Christmas holiday, at a rumored Russian oligarch’s mansion. It’s been said that while in Canada, Harry contacted his dad, Prince Charles, and brought up their desire to step back from their royal roles just before Christmas. Prince Charles said ok, come up with a thought-out plan and send it to me. But apparently the plan had a lot of holes in it, so Prince Charles told him to try again. Meanwhile, this was evidently a working holiday because they were working with a USA PR team and lawyers to draft their plan. They were also having a website built with the same agency who built Meghan’s former lifestyle blog, The Tig. The website listed how their charitable work was going to function, how everything would be funded, how they’d work with the media. It gave the appearance that they were telling their bosses how things would be without their bosses actually approving anything. Not a good look.

Here’s the thing though– they can’t have their cake and eat it too. If they want to step away from being senior royals and move to North America, rumored to be Los Angeles, fine. Go. Have fun. But they want to be autonomous and political activists while keeping their titles when the members of the monarchy are to be politically neutral and represent the entire country. They also state on their website that their security should be covered by UK taxpayers. The website also states that any travel they do on behalf of the Queen should be paid for by taxpayers. They also want to continue to use Frogmore Cottage, which cost $2.4 million in taxpayer dollars to refurbish. It’s all very gimme gimme gimme.

The bottom line is they can’t pick and choose all the perks of a job that they only intend on doing part-time. If they want to move to LA and start their own charity, that’s fine but they can’t expect to do it while wholly relying on their titles. The British Royal family has a brand to protect. And if Harry and Meghan want to be part of that brand, they need to abide by the rules. Just like how any job has rules.

The optics of this would have been completely different if all of this was hashed out in private and QEII, Prince Charles, Prince William, and Prince Harry made a joint appearance and announced the plans. It would’ve looked like a united front– everyone on the same page. The uproar wouldn’t have been nearly as intense.

Private or No?

I said this in my IG Stories on Wednesday evening after the news broke that I liked Meghan at first. But my view of her greatly shifted when she had her baby shower in New York City. She and Harry would go on and on about privacy. But here she was having a baby shower at The Mark Hotel on the Upper East Side in a $75,000-a-night penthouse thrown by Serena Williams and Amal Clooney. The famous guests, including the guest of honor, walked through the front door of the hotel instead of using the back door and service elevator. And all of the baby shower favors were lugged through the front doors of the hotel. It made me question is this was a trial run to see their brand-boosting power.

Apparently The Palace warned Meghan about the flashy shower and how it was breaking with royal tradition. So why couldn’t Meghan compromise and have a private baby shower that no one knew about. It’s just odd that she wants to be private when she wants to be private.

For reference, the baby shower favor was a Cuyana tote filled with Meghan’s favorites– a Jo Malone scented candle, hand stitched sweaters by Lingua Franca, Tatcha’s Rice Enzyme Powder, and Susanne Kaufmann’s Body Butter, as well as various products from Honest Beauty and Rodin. Each guest also received a piece of Away luggage. Each favor prize pack was valued at over $428. I don’t know about you but my baby shower guests took home bouquets of flowers in mason jars, which also served as table decor.

Working Royals Vs Non-Working Royals

Harry and Meghan want to step down as senior royals. Being a working royal means they are paid to represent the royal family. Like many jobs, there’s also rules that come with being a working royal. They must be on their best behavior at all times and no social media accounts are two examples. For reference, Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie aren’t working royals. They have day jobs. They attend major royal functions like the Trooping the Colour, but their jobs aren’t to represent the monarchy. Beatrice and Eugenie are patrons of various charities, but that’s on their own. Non-working royals have a lot more freedom and less rules, but they also don’t represent the monarchy. It also guarantees a level of privacy for non-working royals. For example, who’s Eugenie’s husband and what does he do? Exactly. I know Eugenie isn’t as well-known as Harry but she especially flies under the radar because she isn’t a working royal.

Family Dynamics

One of the rumors going around is that the royal family has treated Meghan poorly. I’d like to think the family gave her a fair shake. Meghan even said in their engagement interview that the family “has been so welcoming” and “over the past year and a half we’ve just had a really nice time getting to know them and progressively helping me feel a part of not just the institution but also part of the family, which has been really, really special.” I mean, shoot, Prince Charles walked her down the aisle when the mega drama with her dad unfolded. The royal family also gave Meghan and Harry a $42 million wedding. Meghan’s ceremony wedding gown cost $500,000. In contrast, Princess Eugenie’s wedding cost $3.5 million. Meghan also got a $125,000 wardrobe stipend in 2019. Did the family tell Harry he was moving too fast with her? Maybe. But it’s not like that’s a bad thing to say. They did take things pretty fast– meeting and marrying within 22 months. That’s rather fast when you’re marrying into one of the most high profile families on the planet.

Also, I wouldn’t like it if I was part of a family, following the rules for years, and then this new person comes into the fray and starts bucking the system. And by bucking the system this person is seen as being dishonorable to the queen– the matriarch of the family who has given her entire adult life to serving the people of the UK. So I wouldn’t blame anyone for giving Meghan the side eye.

Working Royals

Let’s compare Will and Kate, future king and queen consort, with Harry and Meghan. Will and Kate married in 2011 after dating for 8 years. They didn’t become full-time working royals until 2017. Those 6 years were spent attending some royals events, but for the most part they were settling in as a family, and Will worked as an air ambulance pilot. They also lived away from the spotlight in Norfolk. Harry and Meghan, on the other hand, went straight into being working royals.

Meghan and Harry had plenty of options. They could’ve scaled back on their royal duties. I’m sure if they went to the queen and said “Listen, we’re overwhelmed. Meghan is feeling attacked. Etc. Etc.” I’m sure the queen would’ve said, “That’s fine. Take a break. Lay low for a while.” I mean, Will and Kate were able to lay low for 6 years– I’m sure she would’ve done the same for Harry and Meghan. Or like I said above, if they had a specific plan, they could’ve had today’s summit in private with the QEII, Prince Charles, and Prince William before trademarking Sussex Royal to include over 100 items, building a website and launching it before having everything approved by the Queen.

Similar Posts


  1. Andrea Anderson says:

    Thank you for breaking it down for us. I agree with you. You cannot get all the perks of the job and not want to do the work.

  2. This was so intriguing!! I am on the 3rd season of The Crown and getting more and more obsessed with this current situation. It’s funny because I think “good for them, put your family first” (as I watch the Crown and feel so bad for the children). But then also, you don’t get the perks without the work… Thanks!

    1. Exactly! I totally understand why they want to go out on their own, but they can’t take all the perks with them.

    1. I don’t feel like it’s one sided. And I don’t feel like I’m being biased. When did I say they need to live their lives in servitude? I said if they want to go out on their own that’s fine, and I understand that. But they can’t expect British taxpayers to pay for them.

      Lots of people want to act like Kate wasn’t treated poorly. The tabloids were rather sexist and classist when she started dating Will and even after they were married. In 2012 they published topless photos of her.

    2. I don’t agree with you, I thought it was a well thought out review of the facts with her opinions thrown in, which would be the reason for her to post a review of the situation! We all have opinions and need to respect all of them.

  3. Yes! I think you nailed it! It’s like resigning from your job (and your family!) via Instagram. There are kinder ways to do it. Also, ways that look more unified and well-thought out. Thanks for a fun and nuanced read.

    1. Yes! I think the reaction would’ve been totally different if everything was hashed out behind closed doors, and then presented as a united front.

  4. I think they definitely want to have their cake and eat it too. They don’t want to give up the money from Charles.

  5. Honestly it bothers me that you are jumping on the bandwagon and writing an entire post about them being wrong. As someone who always seemed to lean very LEFT I’m rather shocked that you are taking such a stance. I have followed you and read your home/design posts for years and typically ignore your outspokenness and our differences in any beliefs we may have. I’m sure you don’t care at all, I’m just one person, but I think this latest post has finally given me the final reason to stop following your blog/IG etc.

    1. I would have to agree with you. I think this post is very one-sided in favor of the entire family over the mental wellbeing of Harry & Meghan. Not once have I read such derogatory comments made about Kate or her children. Yes, photos were published but they were dealt with in swift manner. NOTHING has been done to come to Meghan’s aid when dealing with the racism and cruelty she has faced by the British tabloids and press. I do not recall Kate’s children being referred to as “monkey’s” or “half-breeds”. Why? Because she is a white girl who married a white Prince.

      1. So because the media has been extremely racist and sexist toward Meghan it means she and Harry can essentially make a bunch of demands in regards to their job and how they’ll be financially supported and cared for when they walk away from said job? I don’t see how the two are related.

  6. It’s just odd that she wants to be private when she wants to be private.

    I don’t find that odd, I think that’s human nature?

  7. Cookie eddings says:

    I’m very surprised that you have written about this “Harry & Megan ” thing. It’s such an odd subject for this type of blog. I respect your opinions, I too have opinions, but frankly I don’t concern myself with them. I see that some of your readers are seemingly upset by your post. Do you think that you have opened up a can of worms by writing this?

    1. If you don’t concern yourself with my opinions then why are you reading and commenting on this?

  8. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your take on the whole H & M debacle. You brought forth facts I did not know about. I thought you were quite respectful in stating your opinion. I shared to my FB page.
    Your decorating and diy are one of my favorites.

  9. Cheryl Newton says:

    I love how you did this: calmly and with anecdotal evidence to back up your claims. It wasn’t just “I hate them” or “what they did sucks.” Bravo to you! You just laid out what you believe about the situation.

  10. Christina says:

    There is immense pressure as members of the royal family and Harry had a difficult time especially after his mother passed away. There is so much more to the story and long history of being in the public eye and doing what best for the commonwealth. British people can understand this more fully. Good for them for putting their own family first. Thye will be paying back the money spent on the renovations and will not keep any staff in the UK any longer. In what other family would a person say they want to be financially independent and the world freak out?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *